Beccy's Rants

Christmas Wish ~ by Rebecca Boux

2010-12-24T13:39:00.000-08:00

Sam Weber, Rebecca Boux, Christian Bergen Foodbank Christmas Promo!

2010-12-08T01:05:00.000-08:00

Got Me - Rebecca Boux Original w/ Full Band!

2010-12-08T00:22:00.000-08:00

a demon in a devil's trap.

2010-11-04T00:21:00.000-07:00

You know how people said to remember your high school moments, especially the last ones?Well, I realized something last night. RJ and I broke up 9 months ago. Mind blowing, right? It just doesn't feel like 9 months. It feels like 4 maybe 5 months. The reason for that, i discovered, is that I started living again, 4, maybe 5 months ago. From Januay to June, (basically), I was practically dead to the the world, and the world felt dead to me. I was frozen, like time had stopped. But it hadn't. For me? I was stuck like a demon from Supernatural in a devil's trap. I couldn't move, and i didn't try to. for 4, or 5 months. My grades dropped, i became a victem to self-mutilating and I blocked out everything and everyone. For 4 or 5 months.

But you know what sucks the most? Those 4 or 5 months, were the last 4 or 5 months of highschool for me. And they were ruined. Because basically, the only high school memories I have from my last semester of highschool, are the ones where i remember pain, suffering, hate, anger, sadness, darkness and general depression. I forgive RJ, mostly i guess. I also forgive myself.. mostly. It's a work in progress, and I am trying to get past it. But my true feelings are emerging and every once in awhile I can't hold them back.

Right now, i'm angry and sad. My last months of highschool were spent with a broken heart. That's truly something to get depressed about all over again.

Shout to KARLY SUMMERS; I have a passion for-video editing? and Featuring on Christian Bergen's album; hell ya.

2010-10-18T13:56:00.000-07:00

First off.

HOLY CRAP Karly! You're on Vancouver Island's Got Talent? That is epic! GOOD JOB!

Secondly, I've been listening to songs lately that are seriously inspiring me to start editing videos again. I watched Karly's two new vlogs on Mobileme.com and they looked fun.. I'm gonna try my rusty hand at video editing again, see what I come up with. Im going to post them on my new MobileMe account so they dont get taken off of youtube. I'll let you know when to check them out!

Annnd last but not least, I've started working at Chevron, but don' judge. I NEED MORE MONEY. O.O

Oh ya. And I'm featuring on 2 songs one being backup vocals in "The Parade" and the other a verse in another song. It's gonna be awesome. Doing that recording on Friday morning. Super excited!

2010-10-10T11:04:00.001-07:00

Hayley*! "Shake" What do you think? =D

2010-10-08T01:35:00.000-07:00

Shake
Copyright © Rebecca Boux October 8th, 2010

Now, there’s something that sets you and I apart
A matter of the heart, if the pieces weren’t so sharp
I’d hold them together, but lucky for us
I don’t have the will, you and I standing still.
We’re face to face, gave up the chase
Look me in the eye and tell me it’s all right to turn away
You and I had our love in spades
As the bomb falls, I can’t help but

Shake, when you avoid my eyes, I
Shake, are we making a big mistake?
I shake, because it’s out of my hands
We’re making separate plans
And without you here, I can’t help but
Shake, but I’ll be all right, I might
Shake, in the middle of the night
Wide-awake, where the dreams can’t get me
Right now I feel heavy and
I can’t help but shake

Now, I had a feeling this day might come
Had my bags packed for when the rage was done
In my head it was easy, but right now I feel queasy
Gotta keep myself busy, until I’m numb
And I feel it, in the bottom of my soul
It’s a blow to my heart quickly turning to stone
Soon this will be, just a memory
I’ll bury it deep, cause all I can do is

Chorus

If there was something that we could have done
We did it, nothing could have fixed it
But I, I still have us on my mind
And I, I have way too much time
And it doesn’t matter how many songs I write
Cause in the end you’re still keeping me up at night
So I hope what you did was, right…

All I can do is

Chorus

Audrey, Wait!

2010-10-07T02:11:00.000-07:00

Audrey, Wait! = a new favourite book

You. Must. Read. It.

!!!

Time runs too fast, one minute you're there, the next you're not.

2010-10-04T22:14:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to Bruised by Jack's Mannequin. I found this artist thanks to Kimmy. She had a song called Dark Blue on a CD and I looked it up and I really like all the music... :) New fav artist?

I went for a 30 minute jog today. I jogged abut 18-20 minutes of that time, and walked the rest. (in between jogging.) It was great, but I didn't get much sleep last night, and I have a cold... and a major sinus headache so I don't feel that good.

Tomorrow I am auditioning a lead guitarist named Tyler. I hope he's the one. Then I can get my band back on track.

On another note, but a similar one... I've written 3 songs in the las 3 days. This makes me pretty happy. First one was called "See You Next Time" then second one was "How Can I Lie" and the third was "Second Best" ! :)

GRR MY LIMEWIRE WONT CONNECT TO THE INTERWEB... !!!

Annnd, I am learning about theory and transposing on the piano and relative minor's andthe order of sharps (F)at (C)ows (G)o (D)ancing (A)fter (E)ating (B)reakfast .... lol.

It's kind of frusterating... I've never been able to understand all this theory stuff. But I guess if I try hard enough it might start to make sense..?

Bannnerrrr

2010-09-29T10:40:00.001-07:00

Who am I to change?

2010-09-21T23:14:00.000-07:00

There's a box on the floor in the middle of my room
It holds all my secrets...

And I can't let them out.

Why do you patronize, why do you make me cry?
Why do you say these things, now I can't let you back in.

I don't want to say goodbye, but i don't want to change who I am;
And I don't want to say goodbye, but who am I, to change?

Who am I to change who I am
Who am I
Who am I, to change?

There's a space in the town, where I go to get away
And you don't know me when I'm there.

And you never will.

Why do you patronize, why do you make me cry?
Why do you stick around, now the truth has been found.

I don't want to cry inside, and i don't want to change who I am;
I don't want to say goodbye, but who am I, to change?

Who am I to change who I am
Who am I
Who am I, to change?
Who am I to change who I am
Who am I
Who am I, to change....

(Who am I to change who I am
who am I, who am I?)
(Who am I to change who I am
who am I, who am I?)(Who am I to change who I am
who am I, who am I?)

Who am I, who am I?

I don't want to say goodbye, but i don't want to change who I am;
And I don't want to say goodbye, but who am I, to change?
I don't want to cry inside, and i don't want to change who I am;
I don't want to say goodbye, but who am I, to change?

Who am I to change?

Piano lessons

2010-09-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

I'm starting piano lessons soon.
I'm really excited, i even practise my scales voluntarily! :P

I'm learning how to play "When I Look At You" by Miley Cyrus from The Last Song. I love it, it's so pretty.

I really enjoy playing the piano. It's honestly become an undeveloped passion of mine.

Why do I like it?

Because, when I'm playing, i don't have to talk to anybody, look at anybody, and physically cannot talk about anybody. Not that I really ever do anymore (Everyone goes through a gossip stage in their life.) but I'm not like that anymore, and I haven't been for a long time now. But Playing the piano re-enforces it and I don't need to look at anyone. There's just me and the piano, my focus, listening and playing. It's very therapeutic.

September and all its music;

2010-09-04T21:54:00.000-07:00

Sounds cool. Like I could put it in a song. I'm going to do that I think. It'll give me something to do while:

a) 1 of my 2 best friends is busy and can't hang out with me,
b) My band is on hold because I can't find an effing lead/rhythm guitarist,
c) Practically all my friends are either working full time or going to school now
d) While I wait for a job opening or someone to answer one of my resumes so I can quit that hell-hole I've called my less-than-desirable job for the last 11 months.

Etc.

Drink lots of water.
Exercise.
Sleep at least 8 hours.
Cut back on coffee.
Remember green tea vitamins or tea.
Stay busy.
Leave little time to mope.
Watch less TV.
Play music, sing and write.
Get gigs.
Do promoshoot.
Record new acoustic album.

Survive the sudden transition from summer to real life-after-graduation...

... and try to forget about a certain stupid "older sister" person of mine who's life is obviously too busy to even text me back, return my phone calls or even pick up the phone WHEN I call!

Love you too...

(not.)

I can't wait til life REALLY starts.

2010-08-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

Ahh, what a night at work.

1. I hate my job.
2. My job hates me.
3. Ryan the grocery supervisor is on an egotrip and hates me.
4. Therefore feels the need to be a complete an utter ass to me at any possible time.
5. And make my life miserable.
6. Ahhh, I await the day I quit that stupid job and say "see ya, losers" to all the pricks that think they're all high and mighty. "OHH LOOK AT ME IM A FUCKING THRIFTY'S SUPERVISOR! Bow down before me hoes!"

Lol. Funny.

Anyway. Now that I am semi-finished ranting and raging about that... Im getting my hair done tomorrow. Yay!

Sanctus Real

2010-08-23T23:43:00.000-07:00

Don't leave me hungry for love, chasing dreams;;

Piaano

2010-08-21T12:17:00.001-07:00

I wanna plaay like thiis!!

Little Voice

2010-08-15T22:57:00.000-07:00

I've always always loved Hilary Duff. Hayley's ranting about her recently has re-hooked me :P

Hey Justin Bieber, how are ya doing?

2010-08-12T11:01:00.000-07:00

I feel kinda bad for Justin Bieber. Yah yeah, okay, he's famous, livin' the dream, millions of screaming fans. He's LIVIN the LIFE. But...

The kid has JUST turned 16. He's so young and became famous so fast! I dunno... He just seems to be cracking under all the pressure now. What will swearing at papparrazi by accident, and people expecting so much of him while others hate him for being young and talented... I think he's majourly overwhelmed, and I feel sorry for him... why?

Well... I was cruisin' round Twitter and I went on his page, and he had all kinds of messages like

"I love you"

"It would make me the happiest girl in the world if you retweet/follow/message me!"

"You're amazing but you'll never see my tweet or message me back... :("

All kinds of shit like that. But one of the more recent ones was

"Nobody ever really asks you this... how are you?"

and he relplied to this person and said:

"Im great thanks for asking...just want to be a normal kid. and u?" (Exact copy & paste)

I know JB is thankful to his fans for his success and stuff and is so greatful for the life he's living but...

Maybe i'm completely wrong, but I can't help wondering if he really is as "great" as he says he is.

Band Practise vlog #1

2010-08-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

BAM

2010-08-09T16:33:00.001-07:00

My doubts fade away, when I'm kissin' you ;;

2010-08-09T16:29:00.000-07:00

Professional Recording Studio

2010-08-04T22:39:00.000-07:00

Soon I'll be in one to do acoustic recordings of all my main songs so I can copyright them. Then soon enough i'll be in one again so I can record an album with my band backing me. :) Yay!

The Runaways

2010-08-02T23:42:00.001-07:00

I just watched the 2010 movie "The Runaways"

The reasons I didn't like it:

A) Dakota Fanning:

1. Swore
2. "did drugs"
3. Wore very inappropriate outfits
4. Had sex
5. Kisses a girl/made out with a girl numerous times
6. drinks
7. and a whole shitload of other stuff. (including practically being naked)

Problem? She's like, 16? tops?

And Kristen Stewart or whatever is gross in this movie.

I dunno. Hayley said it was good... It was like a musical version of fish tank. It was bad... really disgusting. How are Dakota Fanning's parents okay with her acting jobs these days? how is SHE okay with it? Ugh.

I know Hayley will probably say "it depends on your taste in movies" or something like she did about fish tank, but wow. I don't really have anything good to say about this movie.

Out,

Rebecca

New Youtube Videos

2010-08-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

Here's Michelle Branch's "Tuesday Morning"

And Taylor Swift & Colbie Caillat's "Breathe"

And my new song... :)

` Beautiful melody ;

2010-07-30T01:01:00.000-07:00

I can't even tell you how many times I cried/almost cried while watching The Last Song. Miley and the other actors in the movie get a standing ovation from me, no questions asked. It was beautiful & heartfelt, heartbreaking and heartwarming. Full of love, and sadness and intensity and fire.

I think, this is my favourite movie, or at least one of them... :)

The Last Song

2010-07-30T00:06:00.000-07:00

My drummer Richard and guitarist Elston introduced me to a website called "Icefilms" where i can watch movies online. As much as i KNOW that's wrong, i aint got much money to spend on rentals, or theatres. So when a movie goes into theatres that i dont have the money to see, leaves theatres, but doesnt come out on dvd for months after? That really sucks.

So I am currently watching "The Last Song". I love it so far. :) It's romantic, and full of all kinds of the stuff that keeps me happy in my time of loneliness and lack of romantic love in my life. Lol, >.>

Anyway. The process for the website is not exactly complicated per se, but it's definitely something i couldn't and wouldn't have figured out on my own. Thank goodness for IMing, and my two musician buds who step-by-stepped me through it. =D

Gotta love technology..

Human

2010-07-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if life would be easier if we could feel less. We wouldn't hurt, we couldn't cry, we didn't feel forgotten, or neglected, angry. We wouldn't feel that significant drop from happy to sad when something goes wrong. We wouldn't get broken hearts, because we wouldn't be able to feel pain. We'd never miss people, or feel confused.

But I guess in the end, we're made this way for a reason. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and all that. It's what makes us human.

La la di da

2010-07-25T10:59:00.000-07:00

Well, that it. It is now July 25th, and I am officially OFFICIALLY 18. Can't go back now, lol.

Ugh, I don't want to work. I don't feel any different. And being 18 is like, you're more of an adult now cause people expect you to be, but honestly I think I'm as immature, difficult, stubborn and all that as i was 2 days ago. LOL. I don't wanna go to "slave camp" as one of my coworkers as nicknamed "thriftys" haha.

Anyway. I'm submitting a video to the Ellen DeGeneres label on he website right now. And I am gonna make coffee, feed the animals and clear my hard drive onto my new 1 TERABYTE external hard drive. Zoinks.

Rebecca

Happy Birthday to meeee..

2010-07-24T00:38:00.000-07:00

Im 18! Seems like just yesterday i was 17...

Now, I can do stupid things still, but instead of being able to say "im 17! geez, i do stupid things! get over it!" afterwards, now all i can say is "sorry".

:P

It's just another day of a lifetime

2010-07-21T22:32:00.000-07:00

I find right now that the amount of guesswork involved in my life is overwhelming me.
I find that the amount of routine my work requires is turning my brains to goo.
I find that the lack of knowing in my life right now is keeping me on my toes.
I find that the intrigue i feel keeps me following my nose.

... You ok? ... Yeah. Fine, why?... Nothing ^^

2010-07-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
Meow
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
fine we wont hang out
lol
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
gah too many chat boxes..
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
way to change the subject NOT HANGER OUTTER
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
Meow.
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
Whateeevvvzzzz your loss if you dont wanna chill with the chill masterrrrr ... on my birthday.. ........or any other time....
I bet if it was rosie or jess you'd hang with them. *even with how much you SAAAY you dont like them* lol
but no
noooo
Im just becky
JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSST becky
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
IM KIDDING GAWD RELAX WOMAN ILL COME.......meow..
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
rj's ex gf
the one u hang with on occasion
when bored
or out of options
or you run into me in sidney
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
...
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
the one who is gonna be famous someday
and rock the world
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
....
.........
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
and BE SINGING HER SHIIIT
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
.............
........................
................................
.................................
.....................
............
.......
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
AND BE THE COOLEST F***ING B**** ON THE BLOCK
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
.................
.........................
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
AND YOU WONT BE FRIENDS WITH HER ANYMORE
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
..........................
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
CUZ TO U SHE WAS
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
..................................
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
JUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST BECKY
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
..............................................
.................................
...............
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
BUT SHES GONNA BE AWESOME
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
...
.................
................................
...............................................
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
AND YOU'RE GONNA REGRET NOT HANGING WITH HER
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
..........................................................
................................................
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
ON HER 18TH BIRTHDAY
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
..............................
.................
.......
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
OR GOING TO BEACON HILL PARK
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
OHH LEGAL!!
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
TO FEED THE DUCKS
ORRRR THE MALL
TO SHOP AT LASENZA
I KID
BUT
YA
so

Wanna hang out on my birthday this saturday?
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
sure
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
DONT SAY SOMETHING YOU'LL REGR--
oh
okay!
but only if u want to....
WWATCH WHAT U SAY

*halo appears*
°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
YES
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
haha okay
Saturday
woot

°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
lol.. you ok?
-βзссα;● --x вαяъзđ ώіѓє &&яσѕәş:: ● `&& Your pretty face is going to hell- says:
....
Yeah
Fine
why?

°©«½ M¡K£ T¡Tµ§ ½ »®° says:
lol..
nothing ^^

Grad Summer

2010-07-18T15:10:00.000-07:00

Summer is lovin' me

2010-07-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

Meaning, it's been pretty good so far.

I was supposed to have a gig today but the smodge podges that work at and run thrifty's decided to be little tools again and make me work today. Of course, nobody could cover the shift, and the rest didn't want to or were already working. So yaaaaaay, I get to work 6.5 hours today and make 45 dollars instead of playing a 2 hour gig at Matticks Farm and making 100 dollars. Fml.

On the bright(er) side. I bought clip in hair extensions! One of the clips doesn't work though UGH so I have to take them back and get them to fix it or whatever. But that's alright I guess. I want to put in a resume there because they're hiring. Yeah, it's in Victoria but whatever. I really think it would be fun to work there! Only thing is I wont be able to go until tomorrow because they'll be closed by the time I get off work today. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Anyway. G2g get ready for work and eat toast and mope and stuff.

Bye

2010-07-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday kind of sucked.
The beginning was alright.
The middle was laaaaaaaaame.
But the end was pretty good.

Now tomorrow is actually today.
I have to worked later
I wonder what will happen before then.

Was I really up at 6 AM by choice???

2010-07-09T16:22:00.001-07:00

Shit, it's been a long day. It's not even 4:30 PM yet, and I'm ready to crash.
I got out today though. I slept on the futon downstairs last night, except I can't really say I slept on it. More like, was lying on it all night. Ya, it was warm downstairs, but I just don't sleep well in places I am not familiar with. Yes, it's my house/living room, but I am used to sleeping in my bed, thus, I did not sleep well downstairs, if really at all.
I'm fairly tired right now, but I have a long evening ahead of me still. I am going to Christian Bergen/Brenden Close/Monique Fink's gig at the Spiral Cafe tonight, again. I want to go, but I'm sooo tired... Oh well.

I got up at 6 AM today, by choice, and I was out the door at 6:30 AM. I went to check on the studio, then got money out of the bank for my budget, bought a bus pass etc etc, I also got my green tea pills. :) Then I got an iced americano with Vanilla shots in it from Fresh Cup, then I had a doctors appointment in Victoria at 9 AM. Apparently the problem I am having with my feet has something to do with the tendon that runs down the back of my ankle/heel and across a section of the bottoms of my feet. I need an ultrasound to check the swelling on the tendons, and possibly orthodics for my shoes... and I was given a prescription for a stronger/different anti-inflammatory to help with the severe pain I'm having.

It's hot again today, but I've handled it way better. I supposed i am becoming slightly climatized, but it's going to start cooling down now (slowly, but yes :P)

PS! I got sunglasses today and a zebra print case for them. I also bought a new white shirt for work. blaaaahhhh, work. :P

Well... Better go. I'm going to lie down for a few minutes before I need to get ready to leave for Christians gig.

See yaaa.

I don't do heat

2010-07-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

This weather is going to be the death of me.
I swear.
I just don't do heat!
I don't know if something went wrong in my programming or what, but my body just cannot tolerate the sticky muggy humid temperatures of summer. I hate summer. My LEAST favourite season.
I was at the Fresh Cup tonight, and it was sooooo sticky in there it was disgusting. Loraine, Shawnie's mom went in there for my last song, and afterwards she told me I didn't really well. Then I told her how the heat is really bothering me.
She told me "Yeah, it's reaallyy hot out. You never did like the heat that much."
I don't remember much of when I was younger, but I'm sure she's right. After all, Shawnie and I were best friends fro grade 1 to grade 6/7. And we LIVED at eachother's houses. She must be right. And it's not hard to believe that I was this way as well when I was younger. I don't remember ever having this much problem with it, but then again, global warming has struck, and the last couple of years have been killer. I mean, FAR hotter then they used to be. Fuck, I hate it so much.

As gross as this is, i a sweating just sitting here typing this. Its that time of the day when it's soo much cooler outside, cause the sun has gone down? But the house is still super hot, cause it's been hot all day. Jessie and I are going to sleep downstairs tonight, and I am going to get up at 6, and do all my errands early in the morning before it starts to blaze. It's hot downstairs, but it's muuuuch much worse upstairs. I'd take another cold shower, but i would just swear again. Oh well, I still might. I'm desperate for relief of this heat, and I am feeling very sweaty again. Gross.. :(

Tomorrow is Friday and supposed to be like this again, but then it is supposed to cool down a little bit after that? Lets see...

Tomorrow: 29 degrees
Saturday: 25 degrees
Sunday: 23 degrees
Monday: 21 degrees
Tuesday: 23 degrees
Wednesday: 22 degrees
Thursday: 23 degrees
Friday: 22 degrees
Saturday: 20 degrees
Sunday: 20 degrees
Monday: 18 degrees

etc etc. See? Starting this Saturday, it's supposed to go down. I sure hope that's true... !!!
The next two weeks, moving towards my birthday on the 24th etc is supposed to even dip to 17 and cloudy!! YAY! BIRTHDAY WISH #1 I HOPE THE WEATHER STAYS BELOW 25 FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER!!!!

:) I hope it comes true. Life will be a dream.

And OFF.

Rebecca

Reverbnation Gadget... sorry!

2010-07-07T11:43:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to also say how sorry I am that I have that gadget on my blog. It plays my music automatically, and I can't take it off because it helps me keep up my reverbnation page to an acceptable standard. Sorry, just put your speaker volume down or pause it when you come to my blog if you don't want to listen, haha :P

Rebecca

New Layout

2010-07-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

I thought it was time for a summer-y change. :)

Now for a quickie update.

Hayley and I took some AWESOME photos the yesterday and I put them on facebook. The guitar photo of me I used for my banner is one of like, a hundred and fifty five photos... :P I missed Hayley! We hadn't hung out it what seemed like forreeevvveerrr :P I'm glad her new job at VPAS is working on, but I miss my best friend.. :( Oh well. We will be hanging out on Friday too :) I can't wait!

I have a lot of gigs coming up, and they're still comin! I have 2 at Matticks Farm in July and 2 in August, + The Saanich fair at the end of the summer, and a Butchart Gardens gig on September 1st I believe (still in the early stages of planning) and a serious coffee gig in Sooke on August 14th, plus I will be contacting the guy who owns the Spiral Cafe and be doing a gig there I think. :)

Summer is here... Ugh. I'm graduated, it's hot out (eww...) I have to work today (double ewww) and I like someone! Great, seems like things are working out lately.. :) Cept for the weather (which, did I mention is too hot?) and I am bored out of my mind half the time. Oh well. I'll keep you all posted on stuff... :P

Later!

Rebecca

"The Crush Song"

2010-07-07T11:03:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about you
Didn't you know that you've been
Running through my head, today? (repeat)

Did you know?
That you've been keeping me up at night
Don't you know?
Oh how I want to be held tight

I wanna get a little closer...
Maybe that's not enough
I wanna listen to my heart
And maybe fall in love...

Do do do...

I've been thinking about you
Didn't you know that you've been
Running through my head, lately? (repeat)

Haven't I told you?
I haven't felt this way in awhile
I wanna tell you
How much I like seeing you smile

I wanna get a little closer...
Even if push comes to shove
I wanna listen to my heart...
And maybe fall in love...

Oh baby, and maybe fall in love...

Do do do...

I wanna fall in love
I wanna fall in love
I wanna fall in love with,
I wanna fall in, love with...

What.. really???

2010-07-03T21:58:00.000-07:00

Its almost too crazy to even think about.

Dear Hormones

2010-06-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

I know how Molly Montgomery feels now.
Hormones, will you please knock it off?
It's one thing to like a person once in awhile
But it's another thing being attracted to people really easily
And liking people
When, well.
They wont like you back?

Piss off.

The unexpected

2010-06-26T09:34:00.001-07:00

It's summer, I have a gig tomorrow and I have to establish an amp, and a 30 minute set list. But I want to go for coffee first. .... :) Wash hair, ..... go on scooter to Fresh Cup. Hang out for awhile and make my set list, then... I don't know. Call Hayley? xD

Byee! :)

Still waiting

2010-06-23T21:34:00.000-07:00

Then again, maybe I don't.

We'll see.

Summer 2010, and then life.

2010-06-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

Hi,

I like you. :)

Me.

The Otherside

2010-06-20T00:26:00.000-07:00

New song Kimmy and I are writing about graduating high school and being scared he take that leap of faith over the mountains that cage us in. Our future and dreams are waiting on the otherside of those mountains. We were having a deep writing session and conversation but then we were interrupted by a group of little skank faced hoebags who are obviously in middle school but dressed like 12 year old hookers, and they stole Kimmy's Jones Soda and ran off. I kind of wanted to like, smack-a-hoe or 2, but i decided i was too lazy. Besides, we just kind of chuckled at how absolutely pathetic they were and how they'd be pregnant by the age of 15.

Good times.

Road Trip

2010-06-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

"On September 16 & 17, I took a road trip, and prayed that God would put people in my path who were in need. These are the people that I met. I hope this encourages you to reach out to those around you." - Britt Nicole

Sickie Sickie has good news about her musc career!

2010-05-29T22:46:00.000-07:00

I'm sick, and it sucks.
I hope I don't need to phone in sick to work. As much as I love Thrifty's (sarcasm)..
I need the money. soooooooo.... Yeah.

Things are going awesome to be quite honest.

1. CD release concert was fantastic. Best show/night of my life. I will never forget it.
2. I've been approached by a man who owns a PROFESSIONAL recording studio. It looks amazing, and he wants me to record an album there!!
3. Dave my manager is looking into investors to.. well.. invest lol money in me to PUT me in a pro studio.
4. I am slowly getting a band together. I have given out the position of Bassist to Dan Pedlow and Piano/a bit of rhythm guitar to a guy named Jeff Poynter. :)
5. Butchart Gardens want the second helping musicians to put on a concert there in September!
6. I have a decent lineup of gigs already for the summer.

Now... unrelated to music...

7. RJ and I have started to talk a bit, and have agreed that we want to try to become friends. We shall see how that goes..
8. Boys, lol. Or, it WAS boys... now it's kinda. A boy. :P I'm absolutely crazy. INSANE, i tell you :P!
9. I'm graduating in a week and a half.

and last but not least..

10. I'm sorta stoked about life right now.

(Except for being sick... xD)

Niight.

Enjoy this:

♫ Pretty Face - @OurStage ( http://www.ourstage.com/t/IDONCYYWLNOR )

:)

HALES!

2010-05-27T23:25:00.001-07:00

Did you disable comments on your blog?
If you did, that's so not cool.
That's so LAMEE!

Gee Wiz

2010-05-21T23:49:00.001-07:00

Maybe this isn't the place to talk about it, even though this is my blog but my "monthly" this time around has like majorly fucked around with my emotions.

I haven't been sleeping well this week either. But like, I am sooo touchy/sensitive and irritable. Ive been getting panic attacks and I can either get really sad really fast or really angry really fast. I can be reduced to tears in like, seconds, and when somebody says something that normally wouldn't bother me like for example "I'm just not looking for drama right now" when I accidentally let a sarcastic comment slip, I get super annoyed and wanna like freak out at them.

And when somebody calls me immature i wanna break their legs.

Like.. wtf.

I can't wait until this is over. *rolls eyes*only one or two more days left and maybe I'll go back to having part-time stable emotions, rather than full time all over the place emotions.

2010-05-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

Make me an angel
Made clear of heavy cries
I'm undercover
They can't see my disguise

You don't see the skies
Turned black with flies
You shield your eyes from lies
From what is real
And I feel

We need intervention
See your reaction
Cause God knows that
It's getting pretty damn ugly down here.

New Day

2010-05-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

Yellow dust
Left on my fingertips
Calluses rough from guitar
Crack and are covered
Brush my hand over the dirty blackboard
And tomorrow my day starts again
Wash my hands
Rid them of today's events
And tomorrow, another day starts again.

Bus Stop

2010-05-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

Lost in my imagination
Recreating a dream
Ipod playing in my ears
Nobody here but me
Will the bus ever come
Or will I sit here in the sunshine
Brush the dirt from my hands and jeans
But I don't check the time.

Maybe my friends don't see it
Not the way I do
I'm healing like my scars
Sitting back, taking in the view
We'll be gone soon
I wont know the red paint of this stop
I wont see my fragile reflection in these mirrors
I look better, but I can still break.

The flowers and trees are being painted
For so long I only saw in black and white
My vision changes like winter to spring
My eyes sparkle again like water in the sun
I still feel heavy sometimes
But eventually my eyes will open up again.

Time has passed by quickly
That's how it feels now
The moment is now what I live in
The moment is now where I reside.

Be happy.

Panic

2010-05-21T09:41:00.000-07:00

So.. Im sorry about that spazzy last post. LOL.
Ive been having weird panic/anxiety attacks lately.
It's weird.

Anyway. The fundrasier was epically fun =D

Rebecca

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

2010-05-20T14:44:00.001-07:00

I AM SO FUCKING FRUSTERATED I HAVE HAD THE WORST DAY NOW I HAVE TO GO SING AT SOME STUPID FUNDRAISER AND I DONT KNOW WHAT SONGS TO PLAY AND ARRRGGG RUN ON SENTENCES MAKE ME MAAAAD AND CAPITALS UPSET ME AND ARRRGGGG I DONT WANNA GO AND I HAVE TO BUT I DONT KNOW HOW IM GETTING THERE AT LEAST MAYBE I DO BUT IM NOT 100% POSITIVE AND IF IM NOT POSITIVE ABOUT HOW I GET THERE I AM STRESSED AND STRESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS AND BEING ANXIOUS MAKES ME MAD THEN IT MAKES ME SAD BECAUSE I REALIZE IM TOO ANXIOUS TO PERFORM BUT I CAN'T PERFORM ANYWAY BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT SONGS IM GONNA DO BUT I CANT FIGURE IT OUT BECAUSE FOR SOME ODD REASON EVERYTIME I PICK UP A GUITAR I GET SUPER MAD AND FRUSTERATED AND ANXIOUS AND STRESSED AND PUT IT DOWN AND HAVE TO SCREAM AND THEN DO MAD RUN ON SENTENCE BLOGS AND

ALL OF THIS MAKE ME SSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAADDD.

If interested let me know

2010-05-18T14:11:00.001-07:00

http://www.usedvictoria.com/classified-ad/12053823

CrushCrushCrush

2010-05-12T11:39:00.000-07:00

I've found once again, that crushing can be both a good thing, and a bad thing.
Right now I need to get fully back on my feet. Enough to be able to walk without stumbling too much. What good is being able to walk if you're going to constantly be all over the place?

I just survived a huge emotional blow. Crushing on people can be fun, but when it becomes too serious, it's a harsh on my mellow for many reasons. I don't need the stress right now, I need to focus on what's important, and crushing and having a boyfriend just isn't what I call fun right now. I'm still too fragile, emotion-wise,*and crushing can be potentially dangerous, as well as having another boyfriend. I am not saying the opportunity has risen or anything recently, obviously. I'm just stating a fact that will be far more beneficial to my well being at the moment.

So thanks, hormones, but no thanks. :)

*And still have far too many feelings for RJ, after all, he was, and is still so important to me, and I love him very much still, whether he knows it or not.

2010-05-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, caring just enough to not care too much about caring ;)

2010-05-10T14:03:00.001-07:00

Was I getting happy?
Feeling fine, for once
I welcomed the silence
But you've messed it all up

Acceptance was clear
Like the tears that used to fall
I could see right through the glass
That replaced the brick walls

I felt it getting better
The weight of all this fleeing
I was starting to forgive you
Forgive you for leaving.

But now look what you've done
I'm confused and cannot sleep
If you want to be friends
I can't let you close to me.

Questions

2010-05-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

I have questions for and about everyone these days.

1. Were we ever really friends?
2. Was it easy to look at that picture of the three of us and then cut me out?
3. Do you think you deserve it every time I think about you?
4. Am I your bus friend? Your work friend?
5. Are you embarrassed of me?
6. What are you feeling?
7. Is the person I once knew still around?
8. Do you really not care anymore? Not even a little?

Peninsula News Review Video and article link.

2010-05-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

and link:

http://www.bclocalnews.com/vancouver_island_south/peninsulanewsreview/entertainment/92920364.html

Trip Trip

2010-05-07T16:35:00.000-07:00

Oh, the BLASTED fates.

Why, why WHY? Do I get crushes so easily. I'd say who I was crushing on (There's kinda like, 2 people?) [Shut it. xD] But if i said who they were, i dunno, people have ways of browsing the interweb and FINDING THINGS THEY SHOULDN'T!!!! Hahaha.

If I was a colour today, i would be purple.

Losing Fight

2010-05-05T11:28:00.000-07:00

Left bleeding on the battlefield
I had no armor, a sword or a shield
I didn't want the fuss
Said enough is enough.

Its been quite awhile since I updated my blog... Well... since I really updated ANYTHING. Ive kind of let my reverbnation go a bit, and I don't go on facebook at all anymore (I used to check it like twice a day) and I almost don't even care whether my email inbox gets flooded. I just kind of mosey onto the computer every couple of days, for a few minutes at a time.

I'm at school right now. My back is absolutely killing me. I think I am going home early. I wasn't planning on going to textiles anyway. I feel tired, withdrawn, and slightly off today. If I were a colour today, I might be grey. Not quite black, not quite white. Just grey.

Aren't you getting tired yet?
Dreamless sleeps and sleepless nights...

Don't get me wrong. I've been much happier lately. I enjoy myself more, and don't mind spending quality time with myself, either writing songs, or watching a movie, or even talking to myself. I also don't mind spending time with others, like grabbing a coffee with friends, playing some basketball and meeting new faces. I am not depressed anymore.

Things are looking up, and so am I. Recognize that? I posted it in a blog right after the breakup. But I was lying to myself when I said it that time. This time? I'm being brutally honest.

Is it harder than it seems?
Living your life without me,
Tell me the truth.

There has been a lot of things going on, and a lot of things barely going. However, I am not becoming obsessed with any certain things. I am just living my life day-to-day. Get up, live, go to sleep. Everything between sun-up and sun-down is determined throughout the day.

I don't care all that much about some things, and I care a lot about others, and then there are things that I care just enough about.

Trying to find out who I am
Stuck in sinking sand
Who I am, without you.

I think I am well on my way to good things. The only way I can be sure that I will get somewhere is to keep my head up, and keep trying. Those who try, cannot fail. When we do not succeed, it is then that we try again. We never fail, unless we give up. And giving up isn't something I am all that into right now. High school is almost over.

Things can be all right,
Oh, lets give up this losing fight.

Time to fly.

Better Than a Hallelujah

2010-04-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

We pour out our misery, God just hears a melody. Beautiful, the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts....

Are better than a hallelujah.

Ba-da BING

2010-04-16T08:48:00.000-07:00

So my musical life is picking up, yes?
This whole involvement with the Second Helping CD is really getting things going.
I now have a rough recording of "Out Of The Blue" and a 2 minute clip of "Old Games".
The new studio is almost done too. It's awesome. And big. :) HUUUGE.
The Fresh Cup owner Jim Townley has passed my song Out of the Blue onto Ron Houle who is on the board for the Canadian Music Hall of Fame. Cool? I think so.
My recording of Pretty Face for Second Helping is finished. I did the guitar and vocals recording last Friday (a week ago) and Sam also did his acoustic Lead guitar and fill-ins for me. (Sam Weber, check him out on reverbnation or google or something. He's quite the talented one.) Then Brad Hawkes did percussion on Sunday and Steven did bass on Saturday. Apparently, it sounds EPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC. I wouldn't know though, currrz.... I haven't heard it. I can't wait though!

I have a Newspaper interview today with a woman named Christine Wats-her-face. =P
It's for the Peninsula News Review and she wanted to do a feature on me. Sooo I am hauling my ass and guitar down to the waterfront today and meeting her at 3PM. I am moooost likely going to miss ANOTHER guitar lesson.... my mom isn't happy about it, and I am kind of disappointed as well... but it's important, again... so. Yeah. I will go next week FOR SURE. Haha.

Anyway, this Christine person is going to be taking a video of my playing, and pictures and stuff, and interviewing me... durrh. Annnnnnnnnnd yeah.

Also, I did the Talent Show last night. It was okay. Kind of disorganized, and there was only about 120 people there... usually the theatre is pacccccked. But oh wellz. It was fun. I kind of wish someone had been there. And when i finished, that's all i could think about and I was kind of overcome with immense disappointment knowing that the person I wanted to be there wasn't, and probably didn't even know I HAD a talent show, nor cared.

Siigh.

Anyway. That's all for now...........................................

SHEEE YAAH.

Forgetting

2010-04-14T23:07:00.000-07:00

How can forgetting you and moving on and letting go ever be a good thing?

It feels so wrong. Maybe that's why it gets harder every time I try.

Because maybe, just maybe...

It is wrong.

Highlights.

2010-04-14T23:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget what it looked like when you smiled at me.
So I look at the pictures, because I know you were smiling through that lens and looking right at me.
Sometimes I forget what your voice sounds like.
So I listen to voice recordings on my computer and cell phone that I can't bring myself to delete. I love listening to you say "I Love You" and knowing you were saying it to me.
Most of the time, I forget what it felt like to be happy with you.
The feelings were so strong, that they can't be faked. I can't pretend that I remember how it felt. It's been so long. I don't like how I can't remember.
I am slowly forgetting. Some may say this is good.
But... it's not.

Da da da..

2010-04-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

I was going to blog about things, but i've just realized how much I don't want to type, and how little I have to say.

I can't think of any words worth writing down, because the way I feel is a little to complex for my liking.

I have to work today...

2010-04-04T09:46:00.000-07:00

... I DON'T WANNA WORK TODAY.

Happy Easter!

Journal Time

2010-04-02T21:40:00.000-07:00

I wrote in my journal for the first time in 3 1/2 weeks this morning. Ugh, today was terrible.

Not, terrible in actuality. Like, nothing super bad has happened... I mean, I just felt sooo tired at work, I could barely stay awake all day! Unexplainable tiredness! I have no idea.
Wiiieerd. I tried a few different things to wake myself up. On my first break, (lunch) I bought some chicken friend rice, some So Good Fat Free "Trim" milk, instead of So Good, chocolate milk, annnd a mango/pear dessert tofu. I ate the tofu and rice, with the soy milk. That combination there is both healthy, low in fat ANNNND FULL to overflowing with protein. Something that is supposed to help give you energy!

Didn't work.

Next, I tried coffee. The next best thing. Not as healthy, but most people accept it for what it is.

Nata.

After that, I gave in, and bought a cadbury cream egg and a 3 musketeers bar. I ate the egg and half the chocolate bar. I accomplished 2 out of 3 things..

1. I felt like sick.
2. My teeth were aching.

and then... I was still tired.

So all of the above? Protein, Caffeine, and SUGAR didn't help!!
I don't know.

Maybe I should just have a shower and go to bed.

Yeah. That's a good idea.

PS. I went for a jog yesterday, annnd I have been trying to eat healthier lately! (never mind the chocolate. I was desperate.)

Niight.

The moon was smiling down, and the stars were like the ones in your eyes.

2010-03-30T22:38:00.001-07:00

I'd turn down a billion-million dollars...
I'd turn down a record deal...
I'd swim across the Pacific...
I'd run the diameter of the Island...

Just to have you back.

This is me, lonely and broken, and I don't know what to do.

2010-03-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

It's been just 2 months.
I feel as if my whole self and life is falling apart.
Like the ground under my feet is almost completely broken.
If I try to take any more steps foreword, it will all crumble to nothing.

I barely ever cry anymore.
But that's because I have found another way to cope.
An unhealthy one. Very.
But it is starting to fail me.
And I can feel myself growing weak.
I can feel my stomach getting sick.
And I know I've barely etched the surface of the beginning.

I can't breath.
I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
I can't smile.
I can't feel happy.
I can't stop hating.
I can't think about anything or anyone but you.
I can't dream about anything or anyone but you.

I still have you pictures on my cell phone.
The one on my wall, the same, that I framed for you and kept a copy.
It's all the wall next to my bed. It hasn't moved.
I still have the little sand castle you got me from Parksville before we were even going out.
It's still sitting in it's place on top of my CD rack.
I keep all the letters, cards, notes... in my journal.
The red one that is full of you.
And I still have a text on my phone from you that I saved from forever ago.
I still write you songs... Good and bad.
I still read the songs and poems you wrote for me that are on my computer.
The song called "Forever So" ?
You forgot to give me the written copy...
But I still have it.

And most importantly... I still have half of you heart.
Because you told me, more than once.
That you gave it to me, and therefore it is mine.
And you can't even give you heart away to someone else.

Why, when I say this does it make me sound stupid? But when you said it, i made me love you that much more?

Why did you leave?

I love you, and I miss you.

"Probably the Funniest Cat Video you will Ever See"

2010-03-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

Hayley and I kinda of scoffed at this at first, thinking how lame it seemed in the beginning. But after she left my house I finished watching it and.... XD XD XD XD.

Just watch it. LOL

Are you aware of what you make me feel, Baaaby

2010-03-26T12:12:00.000-07:00

Losing Grip - Avril Lavigne

Time to start a new book...

2010-03-23T20:55:00.000-07:00

I am going to start reading "The Nature of Jade". I JUST finished "Two Way Street". I loved it very much. :P

Everything throughout the book is soooo screwed up, and there are times when you HATE Courtney, then love her, then sympathize, then there are times when you love, hate or sympathize for JORDAN. But everything starts to break open later into this massive disaster, and then settles into the typical happy ending. I really enjoyed reading it. It keeps you guessing kind of, you never REALLY are sure exactly what will happen.

I found this...

I can't help but wonder what might happen if it were RJ and I, stuck together on a road trip after we've already broken up. What would happen? Would things get better between us? Worse? Would we just both be more upset, or would we rediscover the reason we were together in the first place? I mean. I wouldn't need to. I know why I loved him, and I know why I still love him, but that doesn't change anything. I haven't the faintest idea to what is going on in his head, how he feels... nothing. But I'm always wondering. Always. Whenever I feel myself drifting off to sleep, or spacing out... Its the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before bed.
I guess I wont ever know. I cannot supply the answers to my own questions in this situation. Only one person can give me those answers.

I guess the way that my mind has decided to deal with this pain is unhealthy. I am sorry, if you're worried about me. About me hurting myself. I hope it stops soon, too. It hurts me more to know that my family and friends, and even teachers are worried about me. I am sorry. Maybe soon I will discover the strength I need to stop this bad habit. Right now I feel very weak. Hopefully that will change. Self-destructive behaviour isn't something I approve of, and I know that other people don't as well.

I hope at least that RJ is doing well. Is happy, is moving on. Is taking care of himself... Because then at least one half of the equation has been solved.

Confessions.

2010-03-22T22:18:00.000-07:00

I've been debating on how, when, and if I should write about this in my blog the past week or so. I don't want attention. Screw attention. On the contrary, I'd rather NOT draw attention. It's not something to be proud of. But, alas, "Beccys Rants" IS my journal (one of them), my online diary of sorts... where my friends can read about things going on with me, and then random strangers as well, accept that they don't know me, so who cares, right?

Anyway. I've thought long(ish) and hard(ish) about this, and how i shall say it without being a loser, even though that's what I have officially been reduced to... so here it goes..

Je suis ainsi baiser diminué au sujet de ce désordre stupide que j'ai commencé la coupure. Comment rendez boiteux. Ainsi si vous allez devenir fou à moi, meilleur obtenez-vous un traducteur. Sensation librement à la chienne.

Bwahahaha...

Hayley - Your next assignment is "Two Way Street"

2010-03-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

So I am currently reading this book titled "Two Way Street".

I have to say. When i bought it, it look super good, and it totally IS. But more unexpected than I thought. I didn't realize how much profanity and swearing and such was in it :P

I mean. The guy Jordan, starts off sounding like a total douche bag but gets better. Later, I mean when the story progresses, you come to know his character on a deeper level.

The girl, Courtney, seems kind of whiny and bitter, but I think has good reason. I can relate, and I admire her fictional strength in this story, going on a road trip with her ex. I mean, her ex, who broke it off with her 2 weeks before, for an "Internet Girl" and they were together for 4 months and in love. I know 4 months isn't long, but i CAN relate to how she feels (and him ;) )

It's a great storyline... The writer herself I don't believe is the best writer out there. More average than anything.. I mean. Anybody can write a good teen romance novel. You don't need talent brimming from the edges. You just need imagination, determination and the ability to remember what it was like being a teenager :P

But it's good so far. It flips back and forth between the past and the present.

You'll like it Hayley. Maybe? :P

This is another "I can't believe I did something so stupid"

2010-03-17T23:50:00.000-07:00

So here it is.

I can't believe I did that.

Most of All

2010-03-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

&& Who's that smiling in the mirror
I wish that girl were still here
Right now I hate the world, but most of all
I hate who I've become.

x

Should I?

2010-03-16T23:17:00.000-07:00

What should I do with the music note necklace and the ring that sit by my computer day after day?

Should I throw them in the ocean?
Should I find a way to give them back?
Should I bury them?
Should I keep them?

I know what I WANT to do. I want to keep them.

Ya. Those two tiny little constant reminders that my love life has forever gone to shit. The reminder that I'm a bitch who let the one guy I could ever love get away? The ring and the necklace that when I see them, try them on, just to see if I can remember what it felt like to be with RJ, his hugs and comfort and the security. The way he used to look at me and say 'I love you'. Ya, when I do that, I usually cry.

So what should I do? Never mind what i want. Because last time I checked, the only thing I wanted was to be happy again. Not happening. So I've kind of stopped caring about what I want. Just like I have stopped caring about a lot of things in general..

... Off topic.

Help.

Apology UNaccepted.

2010-03-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

That's what you'll all say after this.

Sorry.

Whatever..

Couples

2010-03-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

Josie (Rosie & Jordan)
Lieran (Lindsay & Kieran)
Jian (Julia & Ian)

+ Everybody else...

Fuck you. [in the kindest, most respectful way possible.]

I'd live vicariously through one of these couples, but unfortunately it may be a let down, seeing as nothing and no one could ever compare to the standards that RJ's and my past relationship set in my mind.

Later.

-Bex

PS. Wish you were here.

AHHHHHHHHH

2010-03-16T14:05:00.000-07:00

I. cant. believe. I. just. did. that... :(

Huh?

2010-03-14T12:03:00.001-07:00

I just saw the preview on TV for the Hannah Montana finale, and i burst into tears...
Wtf is wrong with me..????

I dunno... I'm feeling very sad today.
First, I wake up feeling really sad about RJ,
Then Kieran sends me a message (Ya... a message....) saying he is quitting the studio.
And then I am reminded that HM is ending!! Daang. The finale looks really good but super sad. .. :S

I think the more pain I feel personally is good for my story though. The more pain I personally feel, the more I will be able to transfer it into my story and use my own feelings as a base for Payton's. (Main character in my story)

I don't want to go to work.

Highlights.

2010-03-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

So... Kieran quit the studio. He wrote it to me in a message over facebook.
I wonder why guys never tell me anything to my face.
It's Sunday, and I have to go to work. That message made me feel really sick.
Like he did too.
I got dumped, on a Sunday, through technology.
Kieran's message gave me the feeling of being dumped again.
I don't hate Kieran, or anybody.
I just hate the world, that's all.
All the memories and emotions came rushing back.
It hurt.
So I phoned my dad and sat on the couch drinking my coffee...

&& cried, for RJ all over again.

Feels Like Home, Baby

2010-03-13T23:01:00.000-08:00

To-Do's and To-Don'ts

2010-03-11T23:37:00.001-08:00

To Do:

1. Meet with Jim Townley tomorrow evening and discuss music?
2. Put together a good set list for a classy Italian Restaurant
3. Ditto Butchart Gardens.
4. Write some new kickass songs.
5. Finish chapter one of my book.
6. Swallow my pride and get ready to attend Textiles every day.
7. Give Rosie her awesome birthday present that I will be borrowing if I don't buy these two things myself ;)
8. Do some new acoustic recordings.
9. Make a new hang gliding video with the song "Something Beautiful" by the Newsboys
10. Finish Kieran's MUST LISTEN TO playlist.

To-Dont's:

1. Think about RJ.
2. Skip Textiles.
3. Go to bed late all the time.
4. Procrastinate about 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9 and 10 on my To-Do list.
5. Think about RJ at all.
6. Cry about RJ.
7. Pine.
8. Whine.
9. Hate everything and everybody.
10. Be bitter about Rosie & Jordan and Kieran & Lindsay etc 's happiness with each other. Do not hate them. Do NOT. Must be HAPPY for them. Do. Not. Hate. Them. Do not, cringe, groan, mutter or curse under my breath or roll my eyes when they hug or jordan and rosie are cutsie and huggie and kissy in front of me holding hands. Do. Not. Kill. Them.

That is all.

Hero

2010-03-09T17:47:00.000-08:00

I'm no superman
I can't take your hand
And fly you anywhere
You want to go

I can be everything you need
If you're the one for me
Like gravity I'll be unstoppable

I'm a Pro-to-the-Crastinator

2010-03-09T12:40:00.000-08:00

It's Tuesday, the second day of spring break.
My dad bought me a new scooter battery charger. So yesterday around 4:45, (before studio) Kieran and I hung out for a while (geez about time LOL) He brought his longboard over then i took my scooter over to the parking lot down the road and we took turns skitching my scooter xD It was so fun! Then we played video games for awhile.
Today I haven't done much... I'm supposed to have a shower... Hales and I are supposed to hang out later... My mom will be home soon... Annnd... I need to put money in the bank. I haven't done anything yet but watch Spirited Away and eat breakfast and feed the bunnies.. xD

Lame.

I'm not a Space Cadet.. I'm FOCUSED..

2010-03-08T22:19:00.000-08:00

It's weird how sometimes certain thing or people make you preoccupied to the point where you can't see clearly ahead anymore. Not saying I didn't enjoy it, of course I did. But I can't help but realize how much farther I've progressed in my music and how much closer I've gotten to my career path since the breakup. I'm not saying he was holding me back... not at all. But In not having him here anymore and from having that big empty space in my life, I've had to majorly shift my focus because my core focus before isn't here now. My focus was ALWAYS God, of course, and still is. But it was also him. You know who I mean.

But I've had to focus hardcore on my music now to fill the void. And I wont lie... I'm pretty impressed and proud of myself. In the last month an a half, soo much has happened in my career. Future Gigs as places like The BUTCHART GARDENS and this Italian Restaurant in Langford have opened up to me! The saanich fair is going to rock. The band at the studio is becoming soo tight and we're really building a good repertoire of songs! The Fresh Cup second helping CD thing happened and I might be on it! Which would lead to the professional recording of 2 of my songs, and a cd release party and fundraiser gigs! And I've sold 2 CDs while I busk. In a total of just under 3 hours of busking in the last two weeks I've made $123.00! And it's not even like, summer time. Insane!!!

Things are going good for me right now... I may still be utterly sad, but I know I have to move on. I have to face the fact that RJ... He doesn't love me anymore. He just doesn't. He doesn't WANT me anymore. He just doesn't. And he's not interested in seeing me or hearing from me or sorting anything out. He finished. He's gone. I'm a shadow of a memory in is mind, and soon I'll be erased, like I never happened, and he wont care less. I don't say these things to put him down, or to make him sound cold. I say them, because they're more than likely true. And I refuse to try to believe there is hope when there isn't. I love him. I want him back. Of course I do. But it wont happen. So why lead myself on?

That's that.

:]

Shout Outs :)

2010-03-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

Hayley: My best friend in the whole world, for being there for me and loving me and never getting sick of me when I couldn't stop talking about RJ and crying about him and always using you as a dumping ground, you never got annoyed. For hanging out with me when I'm bored, for making me feel better. You're my voice of reason and you keep my life awesome. :) I love you!

Rosie: My sister! Love you forever! We've had some really fun times, you're my personal emotional body guard. You stand up for me and you keep me sane! We fight like hell sometimes, but we're sisters. It's what we do. :) Always stay the same!

Dad: You never fail to make me really pissed sometimes, but I have to admit, the way our like-mindedness and tempers just CRASH together sometimes can be amusing. :P You've done SO much for me, and For that I am forever greatful. You try your best to help me out when I am in pinch for money or a ride, and you never stop caring for my sisters and I, even if sometimes it feels like you do. I know you have a seperate life now, but I also know you'll ALWAYS be around for your Buggy and your Scooter and your Joe. :)

Mom: I know we don't get along all the time, but I also know how busy you are, what raising three girls by yourself, working 2 jobs and trying to give us the best you possibly can. God is watching over you and you have a guardian angel that keeps you going. I love you forever and I appreciate everything that you do for my sisters and I.

Vicki: You are my sister, you and I don't get along that often, but I know that you love me and will be there for me if and when I need you. It's in the rulebook. You gotta :P

Jessie: You drive me CRAZY sometimes sis, but I do love you. I pick on you a lot, and I know I shouldn't. I know you have some things to work through. But like Vicki, I know you love ME too, and we will always be there for eachother.

Dave Gallant: You've done a lot for me over the years music wise. You never forget my birthday, and you do your best to spread the word about me and my music and get gigs and such for me. I don't even think you do it because you're my manager. I think you do it because you want to. :) You're AWESOME!

Ben Mosher, Steve Beaulieu, Steve Hawks: You are all very talented musicians who have worked either now or in the past to make my music AWESOME. Thank you so much.

Pimp-My-Blog ;)

2010-03-06T20:45:00.001-08:00

So I attempted to make my blog look as kickass as Hayley's but I aint that good at it. :P

Busking...

2010-03-06T09:01:00.000-08:00

I'm going busking today. It's beautiful out, and I need money really badly. I know that seems like a bad reason to go busking, but it's true... I'm running low on it from having that stupid injury at work. Hoping to sell some Cd's too...

I usually really like busking... Today I'm just not feeling it... :( But spring break hasn't promised us very many nice days like this one so I shall busk today.

I guess I feel shitty because... of last night. I mean, I had great fun with my friends, but that ONE LITTLE THING made me really pissed off... and then really annoyed, then sad and now I feel kind of depressed... and angry at the same time. I'm soo hurt and broken but what hurts the most about this whole thing is that I don't think RJ even cares. At this point, I don't know when the last time was that he loved me, or thought about me ina positive way, or remembered all of our goodtimes and how much we've shared. I don't know, because he's not in my life anymore. I don't like it like this. I could like, scream right now but I wont.

Whatever.

I.Am.Not.A.DISEASE!

2010-03-05T23:22:00.000-08:00

Grow up, BOTH OF YA.
I may just come over there and smack you both silly. You two are both older than me, SO ACT LIKE IT.

Fuck, yes.

ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR.

2010-03-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

So ironic that these two names should appear in sequence like this on facebook chat:

Kieran Lanktree (Online)
RJ Pigott (Online)

..

On This Later Day

2010-03-04T22:02:00.000-08:00

It's Thursday night, of the last week of school before spring break.
It seems as though this whole week has been passing in slow motion.
I'm relying completely on auto-pilot to get me through tomorrow.

I feel really lame lately.
I don't really have many friends that I truely enjoy hanging out with.
The ones that I do...
Well. Most of them ar either too busy with activities and their other friends to hang out with me...
Or else... your name is Hayley haha :) I love you.
And Rosie, no, I'm not mad about you being busy... I just miss you.
As for the others.. :/ I may just stop asking. Maybe they've stopped wanting to hang out.
Who really knows?..

Whatever.

Beautiful Mystery

2010-03-04T21:59:00.000-08:00

Absolutely beautiful
Today is one of those days
Crouching low under the radar
I stay where I can be seen
Yet nobody sees me where I sit
I guess I care just enough to not care.

Beautiful mystery
That is what this is
I'm not sure what is real anymore
All I do is remember
All I do is pretend that i don't care
Enough to care.

Mysterious love
That's how this feels
I feel everything the same
Yet nothing is the same
Not now, where I sit alone
Not quite caring enough to really care.

Haha, wow xD

2010-03-03T08:38:00.000-08:00

I just re-read my blog "Dear Ms. Miller..." from January ( ---> if you don't remember, go refresh your memory :P) Goodness. That was a laugh and a half. Two of my favourite parts that I can remember off the top of my head are "This is 2010. So wake up and QUIT THE JOB." xD annnd The "P.S." at the end.

Now you're all curious as to what the "P.S." was so you should go look at it ;)

G'daay.

Link to Dear Ms. Miller: http://beccysrants.blogspot.com/2010/01/dear-mrs-miller.html

Blog Creepers

2010-03-03T08:28:00.000-08:00

I just realized how creepy it is thinking about all the people that read our blogs, that we don't know, young or old, girl or boy, or we maybe DO know them and they just don't tell us that they creep our blogs!! Scary! Well... I tell you. if you're going to read my blog you better be commenting or at least make an account and sub/follow my blog so I know who you are!

I mean... the only reason some people would read a blog in a creeper non-follow non-comment anonymous way is if they have something to hide or... don't want you to know that they still like to keep up! :)

Hahaha... laaater (stealing Rosie's catch phrase for one blog...)

Ciao Bloggers and Creepers! (Love you Rosie. xD)

Haaarruummff

2010-03-02T22:18:00.000-08:00

So... I honestly had an awesome opportunity to start writing or at least PLANNING my book. But, i wasted it watching the following on YouTube... for most of the day after school... xD

Shane Dawson
A few music Videos
Shane Dawson
Shane Dawson
Sonny With A Chance
Sonny With A Chance
Shane Dawson

Ahhhh, procrastination.... ^-^

Dra-dra-dra-DRIVING

2010-03-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

So I had my first driving lesson in Victoria today. It wasn't too bad. Kind of scary.. I was super nervous and jittery for the first half of the lesson, but it got better. I practise parallel parking and hill parking, and complex intersections (different kinds of left turns and such) and also worked on lane changes. It was over all pretty good. Next lesson is March 13th, Saturday at 4 PM... Emergency Maneuvers :P It'll be fun xD He said I should be good to take my N test by mid April! =D

Signing off

Bex